Saturday, September 25, 2010
Recently, I've been suffering from insomnia.
I went to see my family doctor and was denied access to sleeping pills. She told me that if I don't try to get any sleep, I'm going to die of exhaustion or faint due to low blood pressure and low sugar levels.
I can't sleep and my mind is getting increasingly disoriented. Seems like the less sleep I get, the more I think. It's a terrible circle going on.
Sleeping problems aside, I've been going through some emotionally disturbing events in life. Lack of sleep made it even worse. I've completely ignored my friends, not because I don't like them anymore but simply don't have the energy to keep up with them. I just want to be alone. By the seaside if possible. I want to sit there and think the whole day and if I can't relax, I'll just drown myself and die peacefully in the sea.
They said that if you commit suicide, you are condemned to go through the same shit everyday for the rest of your eternally condemned soul. Hell, I wouldn't mind going to the seaside and dying everyday in the sea.
I used to humor my friends and everyone else, but now, I don't give a shit anymore. It's alright if you don't want to see me or talk to me. I'm just being straight forward. I'm not desperate for a fuck either. Just don't piss me off or I'll make your life miserable.
Perhaps I'm feeling increasingly bitter with life, love and everything else. Things just come and go too easily and fast. I get what I want, then I lose it. Somehow, life is turning cynical for me.
Other than these stupid issues in my life, everything else is actually going quite dandy. Mum bought me a new laptop, the DELL Inspiron 14 N4030. Pretty unique laptop with sexy engraved circles on it. Lets see how long it will last from my constant abuse.
Well, my 19th Birthday is coming soon. I know I'll be getting Dior cosmetics from my mum. It's not even my birthday yet and I'm already packed with dinner dates and so many things ranging from final exams one week before and 2nd industrial training starting at October 11. I'm more worried about my finals' results and industrial training placement then where to celebrate my Birthday.
Before that, Raya holidays were a blast. Celebrated Raya with my 2nd family, Nana's parents and grandparents invited me to their family gathering at their house. It's so nice to see them again after a long time. Frankly, I miss the feeling of being cared for. Makes it worth every single second to spend the entire day with them.
So, after a whole year almost passing by, I've changed from a stupid and innocent person to someone who has seen and felt too much and now, it's just gonna be me against the world. There will be no more fucking around with me.
Life is too short. Live loud, die fast.
I went to see my family doctor and was denied access to sleeping pills. She told me that if I don't try to get any sleep, I'm going to die of exhaustion or faint due to low blood pressure and low sugar levels.
I can't sleep and my mind is getting increasingly disoriented. Seems like the less sleep I get, the more I think. It's a terrible circle going on.
Sleeping problems aside, I've been going through some emotionally disturbing events in life. Lack of sleep made it even worse. I've completely ignored my friends, not because I don't like them anymore but simply don't have the energy to keep up with them. I just want to be alone. By the seaside if possible. I want to sit there and think the whole day and if I can't relax, I'll just drown myself and die peacefully in the sea.
They said that if you commit suicide, you are condemned to go through the same shit everyday for the rest of your eternally condemned soul. Hell, I wouldn't mind going to the seaside and dying everyday in the sea.
I used to humor my friends and everyone else, but now, I don't give a shit anymore. It's alright if you don't want to see me or talk to me. I'm just being straight forward. I'm not desperate for a fuck either. Just don't piss me off or I'll make your life miserable.
Perhaps I'm feeling increasingly bitter with life, love and everything else. Things just come and go too easily and fast. I get what I want, then I lose it. Somehow, life is turning cynical for me.
Other than these stupid issues in my life, everything else is actually going quite dandy. Mum bought me a new laptop, the DELL Inspiron 14 N4030. Pretty unique laptop with sexy engraved circles on it. Lets see how long it will last from my constant abuse.
Well, my 19th Birthday is coming soon. I know I'll be getting Dior cosmetics from my mum. It's not even my birthday yet and I'm already packed with dinner dates and so many things ranging from final exams one week before and 2nd industrial training starting at October 11. I'm more worried about my finals' results and industrial training placement then where to celebrate my Birthday.Before that, Raya holidays were a blast. Celebrated Raya with my 2nd family, Nana's parents and grandparents invited me to their family gathering at their house. It's so nice to see them again after a long time. Frankly, I miss the feeling of being cared for. Makes it worth every single second to spend the entire day with them.
So, after a whole year almost passing by, I've changed from a stupid and innocent person to someone who has seen and felt too much and now, it's just gonna be me against the world. There will be no more fucking around with me.Life is too short. Live loud, die fast.
Monday, September 13, 2010
After so much Facebook status updates and 4 layers of analyzing, you'll still never be able to dissect me. Nobody ever does and nobody ever will. The End.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Top 10 Things I've Done Since the Last Update
-Adopted an adorable Emperor Scorpion called Tango ! No, he's not poisonous, the sting hurts as much as a bee sting and his favourite hobbies are creating orchestras in the tank and running around, avoiding me catching him. I gave up after 10 minutes, trying to catch it. It runs faster than a freaking Robovski hamster.
-Been clubbing and drinking rather much these days. Back to my heydays on Friday and Saturday nights. Hangout spots include twentyone and Chili's at BSC, Zouk KL, M.O.S in Sunway and the recent G6 and Quattro. Clubbing is still the same like 6 years back, which makes it rather dull sometimes.
-Due to clubbing too much, unfortunately, I've been drinking too much too. Lost my appetite for food and having constant hangovers the next day. Not good.
-Finally spend more time, catching up with the latest movies. From the Sorcerer's Apprentice, Salt, Inception, the Predators, Despicable Me, Toy Story 3, Repo Men to the Expendables. Feels like my movie conquest is finally complete. That is until the new movies are released.
-Met plenty of new friends and drinking buddies. Phone list filling up. No more space. Nooooooo !
-Phone died. The end of my social world. Relying on Facebook and MSN currently to contact friends. Nooooo !
- College started and I'm taking it easy this time. No more stress. Get my assignments done, attend classes and feeling happier nowadays.
- Shortlisted to work at Berjaya Redang Beach and Spa Resort for my 2nd industrial training at October 11. Hopefully everything goes through smoothly. Living by the seaside for 3 whole months will be my heaven !
- Planning to get a ball python as my 4th pet and I've got the perfect name figured out for it already. Name won't be released till I get it. 2 fighting fishes, 1 scorpion and 1 ball python. I'll have one big and happy family living in my room.
- I'm happy. I've achieved happiness by not expecting too much. You can do shit and I won't be bothered anymore. In the end, you're the pathetic loser. Not me.
-Due to clubbing too much, unfortunately, I've been drinking too much too. Lost my appetite for food and having constant hangovers the next day. Not good.
-Finally spend more time, catching up with the latest movies. From the Sorcerer's Apprentice, Salt, Inception, the Predators, Despicable Me, Toy Story 3, Repo Men to the Expendables. Feels like my movie conquest is finally complete. That is until the new movies are released.
-Met plenty of new friends and drinking buddies. Phone list filling up. No more space. Nooooooo !
-Phone died. The end of my social world. Relying on Facebook and MSN currently to contact friends. Nooooo !
- College started and I'm taking it easy this time. No more stress. Get my assignments done, attend classes and feeling happier nowadays.
- Shortlisted to work at Berjaya Redang Beach and Spa Resort for my 2nd industrial training at October 11. Hopefully everything goes through smoothly. Living by the seaside for 3 whole months will be my heaven !
- Planning to get a ball python as my 4th pet and I've got the perfect name figured out for it already. Name won't be released till I get it. 2 fighting fishes, 1 scorpion and 1 ball python. I'll have one big and happy family living in my room.
- I'm happy. I've achieved happiness by not expecting too much. You can do shit and I won't be bothered anymore. In the end, you're the pathetic loser. Not me.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Ever since the first day I was together with you, I've been loving only you. I cared only for you and I want you to be happy always.
Please don't make me change my mind.
I'm already feeling very tortured.
Please don't make me change my mind.
I'm already feeling very tortured.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Not gonna be that caring anymore. In the end, nobody will care, nobody will love you for who you are.
We live in a world where nothing is ever fair. I gave my whole heart to someone who treated it like a toy.
Thank you for never being there for me when I needed you. Here I was trying my best to show you how lucky you are to have someone loving you and there you were telling me to leave you alone whilst you chattered joyfully with your other friends.
Now that I'm having some troubles in my mind, you aren't even there for me. You leave me stranded alone, just like my own parents and everyone else I used to love.
I asked for love, not for fucks all the time.
Can't you see this little fragile heart of mine is dying soon ?
We live in a world where nothing is ever fair. I gave my whole heart to someone who treated it like a toy.
Thank you for never being there for me when I needed you. Here I was trying my best to show you how lucky you are to have someone loving you and there you were telling me to leave you alone whilst you chattered joyfully with your other friends.
Now that I'm having some troubles in my mind, you aren't even there for me. You leave me stranded alone, just like my own parents and everyone else I used to love.
I asked for love, not for fucks all the time.
Can't you see this little fragile heart of mine is dying soon ?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The days after I've done my training has been pretty boring. Now, I know how it feels like to live the life of a rich princess. It's been fine dining and Starbucks almost everyday.
The best part of the entire holiday was a trip to Pangkor with a friend of mine. 2 days one night, I loved the snorkeling, the seaside and mostly the sea. It was beautiful. I've been to Pangkor, 3 times, each time staying at the Pangkor Laut Resort. Never knew there was a cheaper alternative. In total, we spent RM 390 only. It cost me RM 1500 a night at Pangkor Laut Resort.
The best part of the entire trip was the priceless look on the boatman's face when my friend told him that I've stayed at that place three times. In total around 14 nights. That's a lot of money spent.
I swear, it was fun too, being stung by plankton, sandflies, mosquitoes and also bitten by a fish. Can't wait to be back there again soon and to Lang Tengah next year.
I loved every single minute of the trip. It gave me the ultimate relaxation. Everything was fine until I found out that my own laptop died and I have to use my dad's old laptop for now. That sucked balls.
The best part of the entire holiday was a trip to Pangkor with a friend of mine. 2 days one night, I loved the snorkeling, the seaside and mostly the sea. It was beautiful. I've been to Pangkor, 3 times, each time staying at the Pangkor Laut Resort. Never knew there was a cheaper alternative. In total, we spent RM 390 only. It cost me RM 1500 a night at Pangkor Laut Resort.
The best part of the entire trip was the priceless look on the boatman's face when my friend told him that I've stayed at that place three times. In total around 14 nights. That's a lot of money spent.
I swear, it was fun too, being stung by plankton, sandflies, mosquitoes and also bitten by a fish. Can't wait to be back there again soon and to Lang Tengah next year.
I loved every single minute of the trip. It gave me the ultimate relaxation. Everything was fine until I found out that my own laptop died and I have to use my dad's old laptop for now. That sucked balls.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
FINALLY. I'M DONE WITH INDUSTRIAL TRAINING ! BACK TO LIVING MY LIFE AS A PRINCESS ! WOOHHOOOOOO!
The happiest day of my life begins today.
The happiest day of my life begins today.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The one whom I love so much, is in love with someone else.
The one who loves me, I don't dare to fall in love with him because he's already bound to someone else.
The one I'm attracted to, only wants to fuck me,
Another one who claims to love me, does not even show much effort.
God help me, I'll go crazy again.
Everyone else in the world who claims to love me, can go to hell if all you want is to get into my pants. Go find a whore.
The one who loves me, I don't dare to fall in love with him because he's already bound to someone else.
The one I'm attracted to, only wants to fuck me,
Another one who claims to love me, does not even show much effort.
God help me, I'll go crazy again.
Everyone else in the world who claims to love me, can go to hell if all you want is to get into my pants. Go find a whore.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sorry, I'm just not willing to be in a relationship with anyone else now. I'm not single, not available.
If you really want me to be with you, I want to be acknowledged as your girlfriend in public. Not be in a secret relationship. I'm not a trophy girlfriend. Neither will I ever be a trophy wife.
I'm not interested to have an affair with you either. All you sick married men. You have wife and kids. I pity them and I pity your miserable ass. I wonder how would your wife feel if she knows what an asshole you are.
How can you leave a woman whom you've married for so many years at home alone, waiting for you to come home late at night. And let her listen to your stupid lies, telling her that you were late due to business discussions whilst you were actually busy trying to fuck someone else.
I don't care whether you are rich or powerful. You're just a man. The more I get to know you, the more you are an asshole to me. Your money means nothing to me. And you're nothing more than someone who can afford to buy me a few drinks and meals just to fill up my time when I'm bored.
If you really want me to be with you, I want to be acknowledged as your girlfriend in public. Not be in a secret relationship. I'm not a trophy girlfriend. Neither will I ever be a trophy wife.
I'm not interested to have an affair with you either. All you sick married men. You have wife and kids. I pity them and I pity your miserable ass. I wonder how would your wife feel if she knows what an asshole you are.
How can you leave a woman whom you've married for so many years at home alone, waiting for you to come home late at night. And let her listen to your stupid lies, telling her that you were late due to business discussions whilst you were actually busy trying to fuck someone else.
I don't care whether you are rich or powerful. You're just a man. The more I get to know you, the more you are an asshole to me. Your money means nothing to me. And you're nothing more than someone who can afford to buy me a few drinks and meals just to fill up my time when I'm bored.
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